Rebuilding What is Broken

Then I said to them, "You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace." Nehemiah 2:17

I have lived my entire life in a state of brokenness that diminishes and dictates how much joy and happiness I'm allowed to experience. I'm certain it took root in my childhood and as I grew so did its roots,  entrenching itself deeper and deeper into my soul with every verbal assault, sense of abandonment and neglect until it became as much a part of me as my right arm. 

As if brokenness isn't enough, it comes with an equally destructive partner–anger.  This Molotov cocktail has not served me well in any battle.

The events leading to my state of brokenness may differ in details from others who are broken, but I believe the fallout and scars from being broken are the same for all of us and they're very real. It doesn't matter if the scars came from physical or verbal abuse from a parent or a partner. It doesn't matter if the scars came from bullying in the classroom or belittling in the boardroom. Scars are remnants of deep wounds suffered in the past, but the fact that we can see still see (or in the case of emotional scars–feel) them, proves those wounds don't ever fully go away.

When we have these deep wounds–brokenness–we struggle to see ourselves as someone who is worthy of love, worthy of belonging, and/or worthy of hope. Brokenness is the foundation upon which our perceived reality is built and a firm foundation it is.

The book of Nehemiah is all about brokenness. However, it is also about rebuilding that which is broken. 

In Chapter 1, we see Nehemiah burdened not only for the broken walls of Jerusalem but for the sins of its people and their broken relationship with God.  As a result, he himself is broken to the point of grieving. 

Have you ever been broken to the point of grieving? I have. It is a grieving that came from wells I didn't even know I had inside me. Hidden wells buried behind hidden walls.

If this is resonating with you, I'm so sorry these wounds are a part of you and your story. But there is always good news and hope when we belong to God. And Nehemiah knew a little something about this good news and hope.

 In chapter 2, we see his focus change from grieving to working in partnership with God rebuilding  Jerusalem's broken walls. He completely abandons his grieving knowing it would only keep him from the work that needs to be done. If he is going to rebuild what now lies in ruin, he would need the whole of who and what God is and his grief would only keep him from focusing on God because he would be focused on himself.

As with all Scripture, Nehemiah was written for us today. There's a wonderful lesson and a beautiful truth in Nehemiah's grieving, his abandonment of that grief, and working with God to rebuild the walls of his beloved city.

Nehemiah teaches us that some walls are necessary and a firmer foundation is built with God. It also teaches us that we must stop grieving our past so we may live fully in the present with God. Lastly, it teaches us that with God, there is nothing that can't be rebuilt...or healed.

Like Nehemiah, we need the whole of God to begin our own rebuilding. In grieving our past hurts, what we are really telling ourselves is that God is not enough to heal us. We are telling ourselves that the scars from our own wounds have more power than the scars from Jesus' wounds. However, Isaiah 53:5 tells us that we are healed by His wounds. Friends, Jesus suffered those wounds to ultimately heal ours, so where's the real power?

I am being completely honest when I tell you that I don't always see Jesus' wounds as having more power. I can get so caught up in grieving my past and current wounds that anger, which comes from self-pity, becomes my lord, and I serve it before I serve Jesus.

Is this where you find yourself today–grieving yesterday and serving a lord that enslaves you rather than frees you?

I hope we can both learn more than a history lesson from the Book of Nehemiah. I pray that we are able to abandon our grieving and get to work rebuilding with God what is broken.

Nehemiah had broken walls to build up, but maybe you're like me and you have walls of brokenness to tear down. Be encouraged, God is in the business of rebuilding no matter what it looks like. He helped Nehemiah rebuild the walls of Jerusalem that once lied in ruin and He raised the broken body of Jesus Christ that once lied in a grave.

Will you, like Nehemiah, work with God to rebuild what is broken? He will guide you just like He did for the once grieving Nehemiah, who, by the way, eventually became governor of the land of Judah and led the Jewish people through various religious and economic reforms. Seems like God had a plan for Nehemiah.

He has a plan for you too.