The Disciple Whom Jesus Loved: Finding Our Identity in the Love of Christ

“One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him.” John 13:23 (NIV)

Is there anything worse than having to go to the dentist?

For me, it’s having to introduce myself. My pulse quickens, my face flushes, and my mind goes blank.  And that’s just at the thought of having to do it. It’s much worse when I have to actually speak—and I don’t even have dental instruments in my mouth.

What if I share too much?

What’s really relevant to share in a setting like this?

How do I hide the fact that I feel small compared to others who seem far more accomplished and educated?

Discomfort aside, if I were introducing myself to you at a party or other casual gathering, the first thing I would share is my name—my identity.

From there, I would probably tell you how I know the host, how many children I have, where I live, how long I’ve been married, and what keeps me busy these days.

If you feigned interest long enough, I would happily tell you about my grandchildren—even pulling out my phone to show you a picture of each one.

I might even share a few details that offer a more intimate glimpse into who I am—like my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, my intense fear of heights, my well-documented dislike of carrots, and my strong aversion to arrogance.

Yet there is one thing I’ve never once thought to include when introducing myself:

I am loved by Jesus.

However, John, one of Jesus’ twelve disciples, was so overwhelmed by the truth that he was loved by Jesus that he chose to embrace that identity above even his own name.

Five times in his Gospel—and always at key moments in the story—he refers to himself not by name but by identity: “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (John 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7, 20).

It is important to understand that John wasn’t boasting that Jesus loved him more than the other disciples—unlike the way we may have once tried to convince a younger sibling that Mom loved us best.

So just what is it about the love of Jesus that so transformed John that he chose to identify himself not by his name, but simply as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”?

Well, it seems John understood that the love Jesus had for him was different from the love he had known before from others. It was neither permissive—overlooking his temper or indulging his ambition for power—but correcting it. Nor was it merely sentimental—based on emotion rather than truth.

It was a love rooted in truth.

In fact, John MacArthur writes in Twelve Ordinary Men, “Jesus is the perfect expression of truth and the perfect expression of love.”

In Christ, those two realities are never separated, for they are the very essence of God. This is what qualifies Jesus as the only One capable of perfectly revealing God to humanity (John 1:18).

John didn’t simply hear Jesus teach about love—he watched Him love wherever they went.

He witnessed Jesus speak with a Samaritan woman—something no respectable Jewish man would normally do. Jews and Samaritans shared a long history of hostility, and social customs discouraged men from speaking publicly with women they were not related to. Yet the love of God crossed—and still crosses—all social, ethnic, and moral boundaries.

God’s love is extended to everyone, no matter where they are or who they are.

In Bethesda, the son of Zebedee had a front-row seat as Jesus approached a man who had been unable to walk for thirty-eight years—a man others had long since learned to pass by—and restored him.

Through Jesus, John saw that God’s love seeks the overlooked and restores the broken.

John stood close enough to see Jesus weep at the tomb of Lazarus. Even though He knew He would soon raise His friend from the dead, the One who held authority over death did not remain distant from human grief, but instead entered into it.

Through the tears of Jesus, John witnessed the compassionate love of God.

The disciple whom Jesus loved not only witnessed the Messiah love others—he experienced that love personally when Jesus knelt and washed his feet along with the other disciples, an intimate moment John alone records in his Gospel.

In that act of humble servanthood, John saw something remarkable: the love of God is not proud or boastful, but is most fully expressed in humility.

Jesus did not bypass Judas Iscariot—His betrayer—when He knelt to wash the disciples’ feet. He was willing to make even Judas clean. Nor did He overlook Judas when offering the disciples bread at the Last Supper. He freely offered him the Bread of Life.

In these very intimate moments, John saw the depth of God’s love: through Jesus Christ’s willingness to serve and forgive, God offers His love even to those who betray Him.

The disciple whom Jesus loved witnessed the ultimate expression of the love and truth of Jesus Christ as He hung on the cross and willingly gave His life for all who would believe in Him.

Standing at the foot of the cross, John saw God’s sacrificial love poured out through the blood of Jesus Christ. That truth rang even louder when Jesus, in the midst of His own suffering, entrusted His mother to John’s care.

Staring into the empty tomb, John understood that God’s love, revealed through Jesus’ resurrection, is stronger than sin and death.

Walking beside Jesus during His earthly ministry, standing near the cross at His crucifixion, beholding the empty tomb after His resurrection, and continuing to follow Him after His ascension, John came to understand that the truth and love of God revealed in Jesus Christ transforms and redeems us. It pursues and corrects us. It does not exclude or ignore anyone. It is victorious over sin and death.

For this reason, he anchored his identity in the truth that he was loved by Jesus.

That reality overwhelmed John.

Does it overwhelm you too?