Can Grief Be Good?

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. Revelation 21:4 (NLT)

“I’ll gut you like a fish!”

This quote is one of my most remembered lines from the Jim Carey version of The Grinch, but it certainly isn’t a nice thing to say to someone, is it?

However, it is exactly what grief says to us. And exactly what it does.

While grief doesn’t literally gut us, it certainly has its metaphorical way with us. It’s as though someone has physically ripped out an integral part of our being. A part so important that it’s absence is felt day in and day out. Consciously and subconsciously. Sorrowfully, the loss of a spouse or child are powerful examples of this.

However, grief doesn’t just gut us when we experience the loss of a loved one. It guts us in the loss of dreams, loss of health, loss of a dear friendship or significant relationship, and loss of  that which we were once absolutely certain.

Grief is one of the most profound emotions we can experience. It affects us mentally and can affect us physically as well. Grief consumes us. Confuses us. Changes us.

It is accepted as a natural consequence of living and loving. Believing it a consequence leads us to assume it is something we must tolerate and that grief is bad. But what if it’s actually good? Can it even be good?

Until recently, I’ve never considered the possibility of grief being good. I bet you haven’t either. As a matter of fact, your mouth may be hanging open right now while reading this. You may be thinking I’ve lost my mind or I’ve gone and subscribed to a different theology. I promise I haven’t.

Here is why I believe grief can be good: Because God is actively involved in it!

Scripture tells us:

He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

He works all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

We are being transformed into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18).

I don’t reference these particular verses arbitrarily. To me, these scriptures are the warp and woof of the message I’m sharing today.

If you’re not familiar with the term “warp and woof,” it refers to the threads running vertically and horizontally in a woven fabric.  The warp (vertical) threads are the foundation of the fabric. They are held taut on the loom creating tension. The woof (horizontal) threads interlace with the warp threads. They hold the structure together.

It may be helpful to look at it this way: Warp without woof (also referred to as weft) is just tension on display. It is only when woof weaves itself over and under, in and out throughout all those taut threads that the tension gives rise to something beautiful. Without woof, the warp threads remain separate and unconnected. Any tension applied to the warp would easily pull them apart.

Warp and woof are needed to make something into what it never was before—a beautiful tapestry fit for its new purpose; whatever that may be.

Just as I don’t share the above scriptures arbitrarily, I’m not sharing these thoughts without first having a personal experience that caused me to question if there’s any good in experiencing grief.

You see, I’ve recently been sitting in my own grief. I wake up each morning and go to bed each night in its presence, acutely aware of its bullying and suffocating weight.

No one died. Nevertheless, there is loss. Remember earlier when I said grief gets its dirty little paws on us not only through loss of a loved one, but loss of a significant relationship, health, certainty, etc.? It’s true!

This isn’t to say loss of a relationship or health carries more or less weight than loss of a spouse or child. There should be no comparing in grieving. No matter what has shattered your world, grief is the consequence. Period.

If grief is the consequence, what then are we to do?

Start weaving!

Grief is the warp threads on a loom—taut and full of tension. And, like warp threads, it serves as an equally integral part in the process of creating something beautiful.

I know “grief” and “beautiful” are not words usually found in the same sentence. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be.

When God is intimately and actively involved in our grief like Psalm 34:18 assures us He is, that is beautiful. Our Creator is close to us when we are brokenhearted. He is caring for us. Teaching us. Transforming us.

I encourage you to read the scriptures I referenced earlier, especially Romans 8:28. Meditate on them. Allow God to weave them over and under, in and out of your grief so you become more and more like the image He’s making you into by allowing the grief in your life.

Friend, grief itself is not good. The work done in the midst of it is.

But just wait until you see the beauty waiting to be revealed as a result of all His work—the tapestry He’s weaving with every tear we cry and every promise He fulfills.

Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe every tear from [our] eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

I’ll hang that on my wall!

Will you?