I Have a Secret

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. Psalm 139:6 (NLT)

I have a secret.

I hope you won’t think less of me once you hear it.

I’m a clutter stasher.

When I’m having guests over to my house, I hide the every-day and the been-collecting-for-months clutter in a room where it can’t be seen.  In the past, this wasn’t a problem and could easily be tended to after my guests left.  However, since my children have moved out, I have TWO empty bedrooms…with doors…that lock.

If you’re a clutter stasher too, you may already know where I’m going with this —having dos rooms means I don’t clean up the hidden clutter after said guests go home because why would I? I have double the space to store things, like guaranteed future clutter…and I can just keep the doors locked.

As a result, if  you were to walk into my house as an invited guest (I’m qualifying this because if I don’t know you’re coming, you may actually see the real me on display!), you may think I’m a really good keeper of my home.  You would be wrong.  What I’m really good at is hiding things. I’ve done it for years; way before I was even old enough to have my own home.

For example, I started hiding my hurt when I was a young kid.  As an adult, I’ve hidden fears, emotions, insecurities, dreams, and candlesticks that didn’t jive with my decor aesthetic. I hide everything I don’t want other people to see. These hidden things have become my secrets.

But the Bible tells me I can’t hide anything from God (there are many verses that support this truth!).

This always makes me think of the movie “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”  I don’t really know what they did last summer because I never saw the movie, but the thought that someone knows your secret is, in the least, unnerving.  Perhaps it’s not that someone has actual knowledge of the secret that’s unnerving. Maybe it’s more that someone has actual knowledge of you. Our secrets hide who we really are.

It’s possible I stash clutter because if it were to be seen by others they would see the real me. The me that’s lazy.  And I am.  I’m not proud of it and I’m sure it comes from some underlying issue that keeps me from seizing the day, or at least the mail that’s piled up on my counter.

Psalm 139 tells us that God knows EVERYTHING about us.  He knows when we sit and when we rise.  He knows our thoughts and what we’re going to say even before we say it.  Since He knows everything about us, He knows the secrets we keep.

He knows the secret fear you have right now.  He knows the secret dreams you have that you’ve been too embarrassed to share, let alone pursue. He knows the secret depth of grief you have that you’re trying to hide from your family, and maybe even yourself.  He knows the real us. And you know what? He loves us anyway!

King David, the author of Psalm 139, exclaims in verse 17, “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!” David had the confidence to exclaim this because he was confident of God’s love. He knew God loved him because David knew the secret things he had done (adultery and murder), yet God continued to show His favor to him.

Before David was born, God knew He was going to make David king. He knew this mighty and noble king would also have an affair with Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba.  He knew David would have Uriah killed as a result of this affair that resulted in a child being conceived. God knew everything about David, yet he loved and used him for His mighty plans anyway.

That’s exactly how it is for us today. God loves us in spite of all He knows about us, and He still has plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows our secrets even before they become our secrets. When we’re in a true relationship with Him, there should be no hesitation or shame to confess all our secrets; whether they’re secret dreams, hurts, desires, or sins. David said it best when he said the precious thoughts God has about us can’t be numbered. Friend, our secrets can’t out number the precious thoughts God has about us either.

God already knows about your unspoken hurt, your overwhelming grief, and that dream you have.  When we don’t share our secrets with God, we’re not actually keeping them from Him. What we’re really doing is keeping ourselves from God.

Will you trust Him today with your secrets?